Living my dreams

I'm living in NYC.
I'm pursuing music.
I'm happy.
And I hope you are too.

Be Happy Here Now pt. 2

Jealousy is a wasteful feeling.

You are on your own journey.

I am on my journey, comparing my journey to yours would make no sense.

Be happy for others.
Be happy for you.

Live your life.

You

Only one person has to believe in you. You.

Be Happy Here Now

That is the best you can do.

Love, Hope, and Wisdom to All.

:-)

Are relationships OVER-rated?

I always want to be in a relationship. Cliche, I know. But when I actually think about it, do I? Or do I like the idea of a relationship? Sure it's great to have a companion. But sometimes people lose sight of themselves in others. In my experience, the relationships I were in were relationshits. Meaning they were shit. They were built on falsity and naivety. And, once again, shit. Bullshit. Things always got too serious too fast. I am to blame just as much as they are. I just don't understand why we get so caught up in relationships especially when we are so young. A real relationship requires work, and most of us seem not mature enough for that type of work despite what we believe. You have to really work on yourself before you can enter a relationship, right? I don't know. I don't have any answers unfortunately. LIke most things in life I feel timing is significant. You both must be in the right place spiritually, mentally, physically... (location-wise, what have you). I just know that I'm looking for something real.

To quote Carrie Bradshaw,

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

tales of the unemployed

being home can suck at times. i'm bored a lot. being unemployed is not as exciting as it sounds. i want to be doing something productive. i'm applyin for jobs. I want to work for a treatment center for substance abuse and addictions.

people can be confusing. and when i say people i have one person in mind. that's usually how it goes.

i try to put effort into people im interested in and often feel like it's unreturned. or unequal. hearing from people out of the blue can be strange and when you respond to no avail is stranger.

blah i just wish things were as simple as they seem to be in my head

LIke I've mentioned before, It does not take much to make me happy. Simple things can make me ream with joy. Does ream make sense there? Possibly not. Possibly yes. I, sometimes use words just because I like them or the way they sound. Even if they are out of context. Maybe, I'm revolutionary. Or maybe I'm a fool.

Anywho, I check my blog at least once a day. Usually. I really enjoy writing. I write something everyday. A quote I think up. A poem. Random thoughts or words. I also read something everyday. I am currently reading Sarah Silverman's, Bedwetter and I have never laughed so hard at a book in my life. I've heard people say they do not like her and it bothers me because saying you don't like someone whom you most likely do not know is pretty harsh. On the other hand, maybe saying you do like someone you do not know is naive.

But, I like her. Her humor can be shocking but it's supposed to be. I've always liked people who were strange. I'm pretty strange myself. Her humor is smart though. She is usually trying to get people to see how silly racism and ignorance are by acting as if she was that way. That is my take on it at least. She said she will not get married until gay people can get married. She said something along the lines of why would you want to join a club that hates others, it's like joining a country club that doesn't like Jewish people. Sarah is Jewish and takes joy in poking fun of her self.

The point of this blog was to share my happiness with coming onto my blog and seeing new followers. But, I have digressed and discussed Sarah Silverman. Nevertheless, please keep reading and thank you.

I would love suggestions, questions, or comments for further blogs.

Thanks again friends. :-)



Keith

Impulsive: "Motivated by or resulting from impulse: such impulsive acts as hugging strangers; impulsive generosity." Freedictionary.com

I can be impulsive at times.

not schizophrenic just complex

wild, rebellious, quiet, homebody, shy, outgoing, thoughtful, closed off, hopeful romantic

these are some adjectives i'd use to describe myself. i was inspired by someone's blog entry about how he believes everyone has two sides to their personality

i have to agree with this. it has been confusing and a struggle for me at times because having extreme opposite personality traits can make me feel lost or incomplete. but, i just have to accept myself as I am. there is nothing wrong with who i am. i am just a complex individual, like everyone else. i may be super outgoing one day and tight lipped the next. i may be feeling very adventurous one day and not want to leave my house the next. i might want to go clubbing one night and stay in and watch a movie the next night. i might feel very happy one minute but become saddened by a thought or action that has occurred the next.

what's funny is some people have only seen certain sides of me, mainly because i only allow them to see certain sides of me. maybe because i do not trust them or feel that they deserve to see certain sides of me. the best part is these people choose to make judgements based on what they've seen. these people might even claim to be my friends, but this feeling is not mutual. i have a small number of people i consider to be my real friends.

so moral of this story is, i am beginning to understand that there are different parts of myself and i am learning to be okay with that.

the little things

the little things make my day

a kind word, a thoughtful gesture

it doesn't take much to make me happy


Happy Memorial Day

Kill anxiety with kindness

"Anxiety - fearful concern or interest." - Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary

Anxiety is a bitch. I suffer from it, we all do. In this day and age we have so much going on with so many distractions that it is inevitable. How we respond to our fears is what makes or breaks us.

I have learned that avoidance is not the way to go. You must face your anxieties head on and work through them.

I encourage you to face your fears boldly with a smile on your face. Show those haters your smile and kill 'em with kindness.

Kill anxiety with kindness.

I'm still working towards my goal of blogging every day for a week. This is my second to last entry away from that goal. Today is the first day I am having a hard time thinking of what to write about. So I thought I'd wing it, and I hope I can share some wisdom or inspire - which is why I do this, I think. It is what I look for in others writings. You can always learn something.

Xtina postponed her tour until 2011. Meaning that those plans in which I wrote about when I first started this, blog-a-day-for-a-week goal are a no-go. Boo. She did not release an official statement herself, as far as I know. Her representatives say she realized she will not have enough time to rehearse. Others speculate poor ticket sales. I'm afraid I might have to believe the latter seeing as tours aren't usually an unexpected thing.

So I was disappointed, but life goes on. I want to see Gaga, but I have to find someone to go with. Apparently there are still tickets for her February performance at Madison Square Garden, but February is a long time away to plan something. So I'll see. I know I will see Gaga and meet her once in my life. There is no doubt in my mind about that.

I'd love to collaborate with her. I've been writing songs since I was 11. It'd be cool to produce one, one day. It's a goal of mine.

I'm kind of exhausted so sorry for a dull blog entry today. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more words of wisdom to offer.



Kindly,
Keith

I wouldn't change a thing

exhaustion.com

So I graduated. It is official. The ceremony was surprisingly short (thank God). I spotted my parents early on which made me happy. I sat next to my friend Lindsey and we announced names along with the announcers, only we announced names like 'lady gaga, britney spears, jermane dupri (a fav of mine to say, why I don't know?) and others.

It's all unreal and I'm just exhausted from a long day.

Last night was nice, got drinks with Trixy on Stone St. It was fun people watching all the Wall St. women and men. Then, I got to see Erica and Purvi's pad and catch up with Erica a bit. Trixy and I had a sleepover, except I barely slept... It was one of those half-awake-all-night kind of sleep's. Anyway, we were attempting to try and get on the today show this morning, but we had a hard enough time getting a cab at rush hour so we just went straight to Radio City. We arrived to a sea of caps and gowns, parents, friends, and family, chaos naturally ensued, but eventually we were ushered in to wait with our individual school of graduation, for an hour or so where we were fixed and adjusted before marching in to graduation which was a bit unorganized to say the least. The speakers were decent. Some lady started going through decades of her life and another guy discussed terrorism and global warming, but they weren't too horrid. Receiving my fake diploma, they mail the real one, was really exciting. Side-note, the "pants on the ground," guy is performing on American Idol right now. Maybe I'll be him when I grow up? Speaking of growing up, some girl decorated her cap to say "What now?" Which I guess might be the question for a lot of us. For me, I have moved back home to Jersey, and do not have a clue what's next. I like it this way. I want to be free to figure it all out. I know it'll all work out eventually. An important message we did receive today was to follow your heart. You might not be making the money you want, but you will be happier in the long run.

So, it is the end of one challenging, exciting, at times frightening chapter of my life and the beginning of another. I went from a scared, tender freshman at Fairleigh Dickinson University to a wild partier in the bright lights of New York City, to a world traveler going across the sea to London, alone. I would have never expected to do the things I have done, see the things I have seen, or learn the things I have learned. I have grown physically, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and worldly. I wouldn't change a thing.

"It's All Happening. . ."

So I received my final grades, and I am very happy! I graduated with a 3.3 =)

I'm really looking forward to celebrating with all my family and friends on Saturday at my grad party!!

I am headed back to Manhattan in a couple of hours to spend my last night in the city before graduation tomorrow morning. I need to get a haircut today! Later, I am going to a dinner event in City Hall Park with my friend Lindsey and hopefully seeing my friend Erica's new pad and then calling it an early night. I have to be at the wonderful Radio City Music Hall where my graduation is being held at 9:30 AM. Isn't that awesome though? To walk across the stage at Radio City to get your diploma. Pretty cool stuff. I can't believe it's all happening. To quote one of my favorite movies, Almost Famous, "It's all happening."

"What is happening?" You may be wondering. Well, I guess we shall see.





Until next time bloggers, readers, and friends

Getting To Know Your Parents

I'm getting to know my parents. Of course, we all think we know our parents, but we are mistaken if we think we know them completely. They were people before they had us. They had their own lives, and at one point were children like us. Surprising, right?

I encourage you to ask your parents questions about their history, their past. You can learn a lot from them. I love listening to my Mom tell me stories about growing up in Brooklyn, with her 8 siblings. Her life growing up was so different from mine. I grew up in suburban New Jersey with my older brother Mike. Mike is 7 years older than me.

My Father also grew up in Brooklyn and has an older brother and two sisters. I was very close to my father's mother, as my mom would say, "oh, to you, the sun rose and set on her." She was sweet, and gentle with me. She made me laugh. Her presence made me happy. She was the queen of telling stories. Oh, and her laugh, I could not get enough of her laugh. It'd be hard to explain, but it was just full of life.

My parents are such interesting people. They are both hard working individuals who didn't have anything handed to them. They had to work for what they wanted.

I have been very blessed to have such supportive parents, and I'm enjoying getting to know them.

Always,

Keith

frozen moments

i'm obsessed with pictures

they capture a moment, a feeling
they take you back to a place you were - not just physically but spiritually

You can look at a picture and remember the day and how you felt, what was going on in your life at that time

You can think about who you were in that moment and how far you've come

you may stumble upon pictures where you are with someone you no longer see or may never have another picture with again, but it does not take away from that moment. you may be sad, but be grateful for the moment you had

when i see my eyes in pictures i can decipher if i was genuinely happy. i'm grateful for those i'm with because i can attribute my happiness in that moment to them. same is true if you were sad, you can be grateful for those who made you sad for they made you wise. so thank you friends for sharing a moment with me. A moment frozen in time, that can never be erased

Dear Friend

Each individual's journey is unique.

When you begin to compare yourself to others, you must realize they are just on a different journey than the one you are on.

Maybe they are making more money, have a better job, nicer clothes, nicer hair, what have you. But, their journey is not yours. You will attain the things you want in life in due time. They may have achieved their dream job, and you are still searching. Remind yourself what you have gained through your struggles.

Before you judge someone, remind yourself that they are on their own journey and must learn life's lessons on their own accord. I am guilty of thinking "Why would that person say that or do that?" I can be very critical at times, but I must remind myself that everyone has their own ways of dealing with circumstances. My way isn't better or worse than theirs, it is just different.

You cannot rush someone to feel something. You cannot force someone to learn something. You cannot expect someone to understand something. We each have our own unique timeline that cannot be altered by someone else's imposing.

I struggle with this concept, but I know it is true. I find myself projecting onto people what I want them to be. Or knowing what they could be. Without accepting whom they truly are. I fail to acknowledge that they must grow and learn at their own pace, just like I do.

To wrap this up, It is important to understand that your journey is neither better nor worse than anyone else's, just different.

An Experiment

I decided I'm going to blog every day this week. Why? I'm not sure.

I'm constantly thinking, for one.
I'm a philosopher of sorts, if you will.

Although, I only have one follower, Steph Cohen, thanks by the way, if you are reading. I will still blog every day for one week, starting today.

Goals can be fun, right?

I secretly/not so secretly hope that other people read this, almost as if I was Julie in Julie & Julia, which is on TV right now, but let me clarify that it is NOT my inspiration behind this experiment. I am gay, but not THAT gay. I digress. Cute movie - nevertheless.

Anyways, I do want to share that my friend Sara and I will be going to see Christina Aguilera in concert on July 30th at the PNC Arts Center in Holmdel, New Jersey. I'm excited. We've been friends for four years and have always wanted to see Xtina together.

I don't have much else to say, but hopefully throughout the week, I will.

Good-day and God bless

Winners vs. Losers

Some people annoy the shit out of me.

People that are afraid to speak up, for instance.
Grow a pair!

It annoys me because they wait around for other people to say things and then reap the benefits, which they don't deserve.

But, they are lazy, and take the easy way out and therefore do not gain the strength and wisdom that I have gained by stating my opinions and beliefs.

In the end, they lose.

I win.

Good day!

p.s. Unrelated but somewhat related side-note, Take responsibility for your actions and choices. Don't point the finger and blame others. This also goes along with being responsible for your personal belongings.

Thanks =)

post grad

i just completed my last final as an undergraduate. wowsies. crazies. it probably will take awhile for me to process all of this. it's hella exciting. i'm free to do .... well, anything.

may, I

It's May, folks.

I'm currently exhausted. Indulged a bit too much last night.

Someone has entered my brain that stirs up my emotions.

life....

Goodbye.

What did he give me that I'm not giving myself?
Nothing.
Self-love
is all
I need.
He caused me grief.
Made me forget about me.
But I'm back.
I don't need you.
I don't want you.
Goodbye.

A fresh start

People come into our lives for a reason, right? So instead of wondering why things happen the way they do, I'm going to accept them for what they are. I'm going to try and take my life day by day, moment to moment, as hard as it may be for me since I worry about tomorrow, yesterday. I'm going to trust and have faith that everything is happening just as it should. I'm going to let go and let God lead me where He will. It's a new day. It's a new Keith.

But what do I know?

I know that this isn't working

because

it shouldn't be this hard, this soon.

I know that this isn't right

because

my gut never lies.

I know that I have to move on

because

you give me no other option

but what do i know?

i'm only twentyone

crazyhazylazymazeme

I'm crazy. And I'm okay with that.

are you?

throw away the directions

You tell me, "It's easy to get lost." You don't know how lost I can get. I tell myself "Hold on tight." Because when I let go, it can get scary. When I let go I lose control. I'm starting to realize this is okay, and maybe even necessary.

I'm starting to think maybe you find yourself this way. You have to let go to figure out where it is you need to be.

dive in

I'm ready to dive in to life, are you? I'm ready to forgive myself for past mistakes. I'm ready to take a risk, a chance. I'm ready for new beginnings. I'm ready for you.

So I plan to go back to when I was four and fearless, when I would dive head first into my bathtub, minus the stitches part this time.

I'm diving head first into life and I hope you'll do the same.